I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
