Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
