if you like me you must not know who I am
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
