He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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