Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
