When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
