He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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