My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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