your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
