nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
