2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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