i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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