if i can run in heels then i can drive
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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