There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
