she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
