I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
