His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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