all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
