WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
