At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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