If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
