i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
