I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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