did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
