Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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