we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
