omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
