ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
