idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
