I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
