sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
