you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
