She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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