So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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