I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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