would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
