I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
