Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
