I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why didn't you poke me back
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
