forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I deserve this hangover.
My vagina is very pro this idea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
