I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
