You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
