I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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