I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
