Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
