shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
