The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
