You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
