he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
