Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We got so high we made milksteak
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
