You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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