one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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